I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
