We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
