Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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