I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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