lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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