FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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