a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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