she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize