I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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