im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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