Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
