So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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