funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
