I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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