i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I AM VODKA MAN
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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