Your face is a jimmy john
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
