He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
