She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
