Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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