I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
