Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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