and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you guys were way drunker than both of me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
