elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
