You just made me feel so damn special
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
