3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
