you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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