TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
