2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize