theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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