he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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