i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
