drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
