can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
