oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
