he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
