what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
