i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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