how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
