The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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