does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
