So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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