brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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