i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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