Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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