last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
