He kissed a someone with a penis
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
