batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
