lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
