I wanna bring you to show and tell
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
