The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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