Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
