i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
