do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
