and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
