? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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