I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
