i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
