my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
