He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Success! We fucked roommates!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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