It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
