And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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