Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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