whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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