I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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