we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
nutella sex= disaster
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
