Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
