No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
