if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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