as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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